"cambodian way"

"Welcome to Camp Lotus"

The 31^st of August!  How is that possible?  It feels like I’ve been away so long but somehow it’s flying by – 2 months down, 1 to go.  I’m sorry it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve posted….it’s a lot tougher to get internet here in Cambodia, so unfortunately the blog is a casualty of Cambodian society.  If it helps, I have blog guilt.

me and the staff on our camp bus -
you can tell it's me b/c of the whiteness.

So I just finished my third week staying in the Village – the orphanage where we host camp - run by the NHCC (New Hope for Cambodian Children).  The first week we trained the camp counselor staff (Cambodian college students), last week was our first 5-day session with younger campers, and we finished our second session with older campers.  This orphanage has about 230 children living here who are either infected or affected by HIV.  It’s the only orphanage solely dedicated to children with HIV in all of Cambodia.  The village is split up into clusters, where the children are grouped into family-type units of about 30 kids each, all different ages.  The older children look after the younger children and act like parent-figures to them in many cases.  There are older staff who cook and look after the children too.  It’s all pretty amazing to watch – children taking care of babies and referring to the older children as “mommy” or “daddy.”  I just refer to them all as “the village people.”

Village babies!

The kids who come for camp do not live in the village, though, they come from the communities and live with families/caregivers.  At first I didn’t understand why we would serve children who live with their families rather than having camp for the kids here in the village who don’t have their families.  Well, I didn’t realize what life is like for kids with HIV in the communities – many of them are so poor they come with nothing but the clothes on their back and are basically treated as outcasts in their families and society. Many can’t go to school and are not allowed to play with anyone because they have HIV, so they stay home and in some cases are basically slaves to their families/caregivers- assuming they could never amount to anything else.  Some of the children who come to camp actually ask if they can stay and live here at the village rather than going home.  One little girl last week told us that no one loves her at home and she doesn’t have any friends.  It is heartbreaking.  I find myself just walking around hugging all of them, all the time.

My house- shared with 7 others

I guess I never thought about how good life could be in an orphanage- the kids here love it.  They never have to worry about where their next meal is coming from and are able to go to school and have friends who understand what life is like for them.  Some of the older kids work as camp counselors for us, so it’s great to have them be a part of the program and share their experiences.  In spite of everything, rest assured that nearly every part of each day is spent smiling and laughing with the kids (except for the part where we send them home).

Camp Staff

So, let’s get down to life in general here in Cambodia and at the Village.  In Cambodia, everyone is like family after about 15 minutes of knowing each other.  We eat all meals together from start to finish – no running around or taking food to go.  At each meal they wait for everyone to join and eat as a group.  I tend to be a few minutes behind because I’m working or running around, so I know it’s time to eat because I always hear “Ann!  Dinner!  Ann!!  Ann!”  It’s cute….and they’re so happy when we all eat together.  Cambodians are a very considerate bunch- always looking out for each other.

playing games...all day long...

Speaking of eating– Cambodians are very sensitive and concerned about making sure I eat enough and that I like the food.  Every time I eat they say “is it delicious?” and I always say yes.  The food here IS delicious, but I have to admit that it’s been getting a little tougher to eat everything on my plate lately….I think the rice 3 times a day with all sorts of unidentified soups and meat chunks with bones is starting to take its toll after 2 months.  Especially when they just continuously add food to my plate - it’s hard to say no.  Luckily I am what you call an “over-preparer” so I’ve been carting around lots of granola bars from home and always stock up on peanut butter, nutella, peanut M&M’s, and bread each week from the grocery store to secretly supplement every meal!  (no offense Cambodia, seriously, I love you)

campers in their colorful jams!

The Cambodian camp kids are so great – and surprisingly pretty different from the Vietnam kids (who were also great, by the way).  Here they seem to be more concerned with being polite and respectful- which, sure, is a good thing, but I would like to see them let loose a little more and just be kids!  They love to line up for everything, even when we have dance parties in the eating area- they dance in their perfectly straight lines!  There are also MANY superstitions in Cambodia and children are afraid of ghosts.  Especially banana tree ghosts.  Some banana trees are good and some are bad but it is hard to tell the difference if you’re not Cambodian.  But if you stand too close to a bad banana tree your soul will get sucked out of you by the ghosts that live in the tree.  We were told it wouldn’t be unusual for a child to show up with a machete or a butcher knife to place under their pillow/bed to protect them from ghosts.  Naturally I made the argument that ghosts are made of air so what good can a machete really do?  But sure enough, first session, wouldn’t you know it that we found a giant butcher knife with one of the campers – I have to wonder how that works when they’re at home making their packing list- “Okay honey, so you have your socks, toothpaste, t-shirts, machete, soap…”

see that red bucket?
that's my "shower."

my fan- battery operated

Now that I’m on my third week staying in the Village I have to say that I’m becoming much more used to the living conditions.  I was initially really anxious about living in a place where there is no running water, electricity only turns on for a few hours a day, the temperature is 100 degrees with 90% humidity, and it’s more common to shower with roaches and lizards than without.  We use fans at night so we can sleep in the heat- they are attached to car batteries for power b/c there is no electricity.  It is amazing how a person can adapt when there is no other choice!  I’ve embraced the concept of using a bucket to shower and “flush” the toilet, and have found that I like being forced to go to bed at 8:30pm when the electricity shuts off- rather than my normal midnight bedtime.   (Though I’m still working on embracing the fact that we have to wake up at 5am everyday- breakfast is at 6!  But I’m becoming less volatile in the mornings as I adjust.)  And really, I am not complaining…the kids in the village do this everyday.  Though I will say, when the generators come on at points throughout the afternoons- that means we can turn our fans on.  As soon as we hear the generators turn on we’re all like- RUN FOR IT!!!  GET TO THE FANS!!!  (And we will not hesitate to cast aside small children and wild dogs to get there.)

village pups that follow me around

In terms of the hotness, I knew the sweating situation would be a little out of control here, but I’m still surprised at the ridiculousness of it.  It’s as if it’s raining on my face, all day long. I try not to exert any energy on extraneous body movements, which is difficult since my job is to be running around all over the place. The Cambodians here have been very supportive of my sweating – they told me they learned in school that sweating is a sign that a person is very fit and healthy because he/she is getting rid of so many toxins.  How adorable of them to say.  The crazy thing is that Cambodians wear jeans and socks and sweatshirts all the time.  They like to protect their skin from the sun which, granted, is smart….but I just stare at them and am like – “You’re wearing a sweatshirt and it’s 100 degrees – how are you still alive?” The other day we were driving back into Phnom Penh and I was thinking that the weather had cooled off and was comfortable that day – and then we drove by a sign that had the current temperature on it – 96 degrees....

high five circle!

This week I found myself in an interesting situation.  We teach the kids about puberty and general health, especially as it relates to being safe with HIV.  So we have an outline of what should be discussed, and sex is generally on that list in some roundabout way.  Well the problem is that it is very taboo to talk about sex openly and especially to teach young girls and boys about it.  There is an incredible lack of education about pregnancy/disease prevention here- and because the older generation does not have the correct information (or know about modern methods), the younger generation is not learning either.  I think they are afraid of what too much information given to young people will do – I find it a little frustrating because if they had the right information, then they could make smart educated choices.  So that's where our camp/education program comes into play.  In fairness, it's not only in this country- it's definitely everywhere to some extent, but I'm surprised at what I'm learning from Cambodians here who are working to educate so many other Cambodians.  Things like thinking that people shouldn't use condoms b/c only homosexuals use them, or that having too many orgasms will cause brain damage, or using the Cambodian "natural prevention” method to prevent pregnancy - which the rest of the western world calls “pulling out” (some schools actually teach them this “method”).  I sat in to listen to a session being led by a local staff member, and I couldn’t help but jump in to clarify some confusion and offer my two cents.  Well next thing I know I am leading the session and they are like “And now Ann is going to talk about sex…”  And then there were 30 girls/teens/older women just staring at me.  It was sort of surreal and, I mean, where do you even begin when put on the spot like that in a room where they have NO idea what sex is or where babies come from?  I went with the basics and just kept talking and tried to be as sensitive and uncomfortably honest as possible.  Most people remember when their parents gave them “the talk,” and now these girls will remember when the strange white girl came to town and shocked the hell out of them.

fancy paper flowers made by
cambodian flower wizards

saying goodbye to the campers

There are so many things that I am learning about Cambodian culture- it's certainly a different way of thinking.  Many Cambodians (not all) have an indirect approach to communication rather than being as direct and blunt as I might be.  So I have to tailor how I talk to people because as I've learned, these lovely Cambodians can be very sensitive.  They try never to make a mistake even if it means not making a decision on their own and waiting to be told what to do so that it is "right"...and they are very hard on themselves when they do make a mistake (no matter how small).  And when I talk to people about how mistakes are good- it’s how we learn, and ask why they're so hard on themselves, why it's better not to be honest to avoid hurting feelings, why cambodians show up an hour early for everything, and why they eat fish sauce that’s been cooking for 3 months and smells like feet, I always get the same smiling answer- it’s “cambodian way.”  I love learning about this cambodian way...it seems to be a nice friendly way to justify everything!

A couple more things I’ve learned about the culture here:

sunset over the village

Cambodians love karaoke and super cheesy love songs.  They play all khmer music extremely loud, particularly on public buses for 7 hours straight.  The meanings are all very intense – basically talking about how love makes you suffer, and you promise to die for love, and your stepmother is going to beat you for love.

On the flip side of that, there are no legal ramifications to blatantly copying songs and just dubbing over them in another language here.  I’ll be in a store and hear a Justin Timberlake song or old school rap song- and it’s the exact same song, only in khmer.  It’s weird b/c I want to sing along, only I can’t.  Nor can I sue anyone for the right to.  It’s a shame.

Though Cambodians tend to beat around the bush when it comes to discussing their own personal situations/decisions, they are very direct when asking about each other (or at least about me!).  They come at me with a ton of questions – What is your degree?  Why do you work here if you studied International Business?  Why aren’t you a psychologist?  Why is your younger sister married and you aren’t?  (they can’t get enough of hassling us whiteys about marriage.  sheesh, Cambodia, get off my back!)

There is a huge push for NGO’s and the government to supply condoms to all social establishments (bars/restaurants) to support pregnancy/disease prevention in an effort to educate the Cambodians about the importance of being safe.  However, many believe that only gay men use condoms and you can be arrested for being gay (or for doing any little thing wrong if you’re suspected to be gay) here in Cambodia – so everyone is afraid to take the condoms.  Women won’t take them because they may not feel empowered to take on that responsibility, and men won’t take them because if they are caught with them then the police will think they are gay and arrest them.  Seems like everyone is working against everyone else.

village school area

There seems to be something in the bylaws of SE Asian culture (or at least Vietnam/Cambodia) that says- “Hey, it’s okay to publicly snort and hack as loud as you need to to gather up a huge wad of phlegm from your insides to hack all over the ground.”  Every morning in our shared bunkhouse in the village I am woken up to this sound, and I can’t say I’ve ever heard anything like it….to the point where I think it has to be a joke because of the outrageously loud level of hacking and gut-snortling for 5 minutes straight.  It’s completely hilarious.  And it’s not only men, women too!  In the bathrooms and in the streets!  For a culture that goes out of their way to be so proper and polite, it makes me laugh that they always cover their mouths when using a toothpick after meals....but yet they'll hack all over the place like it's no big deal.  I haven’t heard this kind of loogey-hocking since Booger took on the frat boys in Revenge of the Nerds II, as I’m certain you’ll recall.

working hard in my protective net

All in all, I am having the most wonderful time out here.  I am learning so much and meeting the greatest people.  I hope I get to come back again someday.  I have many more stories to share from recent travels in my time off from camp, but I can hardly fit them all in one blog post.  I’m hoping to get at least 2 more posts in before my special friend arrives in 2 weeks and we start traveling.  Can’t believe I’m nearly finished with my job at this program already…exciting and nerve-racking to not know what’s next.  Guess I’ll just go with it and see what happens.  What could go wrong????

We’ll be in touch.

APT